So I have like fifty-niner and eight things to be reading and writing and cleaning and taking care of instead of writing here while the adorable parasite sleeps. The problem is the adorable parasite is not so adorable today. What he is today is a raging beast to rival those found in the fiery pits of hell.
At gymnastics, or as he calls it – ‘sticks, that guy screamed in the face of the instructor, ran everywhere but where he should and then screamed some more. We had to leave early and sit in the car in the parking lot for 15 minutes so I could stop crying long enough to make it to the gym. Oh, and the gym. More screaming. Crying when I left him at daycare which he hasn’t done since the days of yore. And then when we were putting on shoes to leave? He screamed so loud and so many times that he made a little girl cry and made the rest of the gym rats glare at me like, ‘Shut your monstrous kid up, asshole’. Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that?
Plus? Ass drunk husband coming in at 2am + suspicious noise in the basement when home alone = up til four. Throw in PMS and yet. another. dreary. sunless. day. And you have me in a bell tower with a sniper rifle. Or more accurately, curled in the fetal position on my couch feeling quite ranty and random.
Rant #1 - Why is the news always bad? Why isn’t there a happy news only channel? Or at least a happy news only show? I, for one, don’t want to be bombarded by shootings, bombings, rapings and pillagings while strapped to an elliptical machine running for my life. Or at least to lift and firm my butt. No more news at the gym please, it’s depressing enough to be there.
Rant #2 – Can we talk about the weather? This is serious business here in Portlandia, as I’m told it is in England. Holla, Sian. It is June twentyfuckingninth, yo. When are we gonna see the sun for more than one day in a row? When are the temps going to reflect the fact that it is motherfucking SUMMER? And who is paying meteorologists the big bucks to tell me ON THE NEWS while AT THE GYM that they will be updating the weather as changes occur and that we should HAVE FAITH that the sun’ll come out tomorrow? I can update the weather for free, thankyouverymuch, by sticking my head out the window every now and then. Hey look! It’s cool and cloudy. No degree required. Somebody get me to Texas, stat!
Random #1 – On a slightly more positive note, I love the Voice. And in strong contrast to the travesty of American Idol, I don’t think America can do wrong in picking a winner. All the choices are pretty spectacular, although my favorites are Dia and Beverly. I’m leaning a bit more towards Dia simply because I have a big, fat crush on Blake Shelton after watching this cocky country dude get all fatherly and mushers over his two final contestants. It was a beautiful thing to see, I hope he has daughters someday because he will RULE as a father. Bring it on America, we’ll be cool anywhichway.