Depression is a motherfucker. Let’s do this instead. (This girl said it better. Always does.)
Aside from Driver’s Ed, who really taught you how to drive?
My dad. In the parking lot of Memorial City Mall mostly. I learned on his Mazda RX7 which was a stick. Which is probably why I ended up requiring an automatic. A few years later my friend Brent drove me out to his creepy job in the boonies off I-45, handed me the keys to his manual transmission car and gave me the choice to hang out with pervs all day or learn to love the stick. 45 minutes in Houston traffic. Needless to say, I flooded that shit every time traffic stood still. Which, in Houston, is pretty fucking often.
What’s the one thing you love/miss about your Grandma’s cooking?
The only thing food related that I remember about my Gramma Mary is that she liked to drink Coke out of the glass bottles. For some reason I thought that was cool. My Grandma Vera made dope ass spaghetti and was the only family member that made Rice-A-Roni, which I loved. She also always had boxes and boxes of these delicious swirl cookies. You can still buy them at the Jewel if you live in Chicago. I know because my super talented and super sweet friend sent me a ton of boxes last year to distribute to my family members who miss my Grandma and those delicious cookies. Buy her art. Mindy Kaling did. Because she’s a genius. And has style. And whose real name is actually Vera. Bam. Full circle, bitchez.
If you had money to burn, what 3 charities would you donate to?
I get overwhelmed by the idea of trying to choose because there is so much need from so many different directions. Here are three I’ve recently contributed to. Child Aid, Band Back Together and OxFam.
What “Late Night Radio” song would you request to your man/woman?
What is Late Night Radio? Is that even a thing anymore or is this survey from 1981? Because if it is?
What was the last high school/college project you did?
I am working on a poster project for my A&P lab class. I’m most likely doing it on how SSRI’s affect serotonin levels in the synapses.
As a kid, who was the first -famous death- you remember hearing about?
The first one that knocked me out was River Phoenix. I was in my early 20′s and still going full-tilt in the drugs and booze club scene. I had loved him like any other self-respecting alterna-girl of the 80′s. He was so incredibly talented and seemed sort of above it regards to Hollywood and the fast life. He was sort of a granola cruncher and had grown up in an even hippier commune than the one I grew up in. And then there he was, dead on the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room, not above any of it after all. There was much mourning among my crowd. It still makes me sad. Oh, the humanity.
What kind of music did your parent’s listen to while u were growing up?
Name 2 historic events that have happened in your lifetime:
Berlin Wall coming down
Who taught you to tie your shoes?
I’m guessing my mom.
Where did you go on your first official date?
I don’t think I had an official date until I was in my 20′s. Mostly we just hung out as a group and did a shit ton of drugs at the clubs. It was the early 90′s and he came to the door and picked me up. My gay roomie/bestie sussed him out and called it good. He took me to his league bowling and kept the beer flowing in my direction. I think we went to the club after and when he drove me home he ran out of gas. I found this hysterical because it was straight out of some ridiculous sitcom. We walked forevs, which was actually cool because we got to talk. He was nice. Wonder where he is now.
When you cruised the strip… who were you usually with?
There was never a strip to cruise because I didn’t grow up in American Graffiti. But I would have been with my homies. Which homies would depend on my current geographical location.
Who was like your second Mom or second Dad?
I was brought into the fold of my bestie’s big, crazy family. It has been a very good and very bad thing at different times. Now it’s settled into a comfortably, primarily awesome place.
Who is your Strangest Relative and why?
I am probably the strangest. Which is cool with me. But trust me, we’re all a bunch of weirdos.
What’s your typical ice cream order at Dairy Queen?
When we’re in Great Falls, my father-in-law always gets me marshmallow sundaes. Because he’s awesome.
This or That:
Animal House or Caddyshack?
Wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
Dorito’s or Frito Lays?
Chili-cheese Fritos. Because that’s how we do in Texas.
Straight-Man or Comic Relief?
Survivor Man or Man vs. Wild?
I love Les Stroud. He is like a curmudgeonly, beleaguered badass. And he always makes little digs about Bear Grylls’ outlandish choices. I love that he’s worried enough about our safety that he continues to debunk the survivor skills of Man vs. Wild.
Casablanca or An Affair To Remember?
Casablanca. But I really love anything with Cary Grant or Katherine Hepburn, preferably both. The Philadelphia Story ranks at the top of my list.
Princess Grace or Princess Diana?
Books, Movies or TV?
Let’s all bask in teevee’s warm glowing warming glow. Of course books were my first teevee, but they require more than I have to give in my current state of being.
Marilyn Monroe or Anna Nicole Smith?
I was never much of a Marilyn fan, but she did have a lot of depth and layer to her. Anna just made me so sad. I watched her show and she was just a train wreck. Why is okay to watch that happen to someone on tv? Reality television is contributing to the end of civilization.
Playboy or Hustler?
How about Playgirl? One of my best friends used to have a subscription and I thought, how cosmopolitan of you. Well played.
Disneyland, Disneyworld, or Universal Studios?
Disneyland. I grew up in Cali and forget that there is another. Universal Studios terrified me because of the damn shark. But Disney is a magical place. I remember all the school trips we took, eating soggy tuna fish sandwiches on the picnic tables outside the gates and then soaking up every last bit of awesome. I went back a few years ago and there were differences, but much of it was the same. It has this amazingly hip 60′s flare to it. I loved it. I wanted to go play in the caves on that island, but I’m too big. There’s no going back. Except when my kid reached 44″ and we take that mutha by storm.
Halloween or Christmas?
I love the entire holiday season. Especially now that I have a kid. Halloween is going to rule. Avengers assemble!
Leading or Following?
Lying horizontal on the couch.
Planes or Trains?
Planes. I love flying. Scratch that, I loved flying pre-kid. To have several uninterrupted hours to read or listen or watch or sleep. Those were the days.
Yesterday or Tomorrow?
Tomorrow. It’s got to be better, right? I was promised the sun would come out.