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Archive for the ‘TeeVee’ Category

This Sorrowful Girl

25 Mar

 

If you haven’t watched the last episode of The Walking Dead get thee the fuck out of here now because SPOILERS.  Also, because GO WATCH IT.

My husband thinks I’m a freak because I want to talk about the show while I’m watching it, watch The Talking Dead immediately after, think about the episode and talk about the episode every time I get the chance.  This is the fundamental difference between the two of us and what makes me a geek and him not.

How is it that we’re already to the season finale?  I cannot abide these cable station seasons.  I had a hard enough time with the way things used to be, suffering through entire summers aching to know who fell off what cliff.  But living through that feeling three or four times a year is emotionally flaying my tender nerves.  The only way to endure is to obsess and to share that obsession with others.  As luck would have it I got to geek out via text with my sister from another mister which alleviated some of the geek pressure.  Thank the sweet lady internet we always have access to someone who is as big of a freak as we are.

This is me watching TWD:

They’re not really going to give Michonne to the Governor, right?

They’re not gonna.

I really don’t think they’re gonna.

Are they gonna?

No way are they gonna.

Wait, is Merle taking her?

What is he doing?

Is he going to give her to him?

Where is going?

Is he gonna die?

No way are they killing Merle.

I do not want them to kill Merle.

Are they gonna kill Merle?

They’re gonna kill him.

Damn.

So long, brother.  I knew you had it in you.

 

What a rough epi.  I should have known from Rick getting all deep on Merle and Merle answering back after serious consideration that things were headed in a decidedly unhappy direction.  But I wasn’t sure about anything except that Merle was going to redeem himself one way or another.  It was pretty badass that he went out in spectacularly Merle fashion – a few belts of whiskey in him, acting completely on impulse and brave as fuck in a completely cavalier way.

I’m more than sorry to see Merle go.  I think the dynamic between the Dixon brothers was multi-layered and interesting and could have provided years of fodder.  But way to kick some Governor-loving ass,  dude.  And you would have taken the big man out too if not for that weasly little fucker, Ben.  At least you got him.  In the face.  Respect.

That end scene when Daryl locked his smoldering gaze upon the alien zombie eyes of Zombie Merle was killer.  From the way Zombie Merle contemplated him, for a second I almost felt confirmation of Milton’s belief that the human spark remains somewhere amid the ruin of the zombie mind.  But, no.  The feeling of loss was palpable, that end to possibility and the snapping of that final tie to what once was.  You could feel Daryl stabbing the fuck out of the whole damn apocalyptic mess as he did Zombie Merle in.  All that rage at how things might have been and never would be.  Heart.  Broken.

The greatest thing about this episode was the ending of the Ricktatorship.  It’s about fucking time that these people stop listening to Rick.  As a leader boyfriend be crazy, has the WORST instincts and has no follow through.  Carl shot his damn mom.  Nut up, Rick.  But maybe now that it’s a communist commune, he can return to the Rick of old.  Slightly sanctimonious, never straying from what’s right, stand up kind of guy.  Old reliable.

Is anyone else watching this episode and wondering how the fuck Andrea is doing all chained up to that chair in the Governor’s torture dungeon?  I mean she’s annoying as they come, the Kate from Lost of the show, but I don’t want her to suffer.  How is she getting out of this one?  Has to be Milton, right?  Poor girl has to sit there until next week.

And after next week, this poor girl has to sit there until next season.  Praise be to the sweet lady internet for streaming Netflix.

 

Kicking It Old School

18 Mar

My lovely friend, From Tracie, did this old style bloggy thang a week or so ago.  I meant to do it, like every other thing on my list, but got bogged down by the man(Ole Dirty D, that wily fuck).  Then another lovely, Tia, did it and I was like, oh snap, best be hopping on that train before it leaves the station.  All aboard, y’all.

OSBimage125

1. What were you doing 10 Years Ago?

Ten years ago I was living in Brooklyn, NY, working as an adoption caseworker in the foster care system and going to school at NYU for my MSW.  I was also doing a lot of crying, moaning and wailing about how fucking tired I was and how much I had to do.  Now I’m a mom.  I laugh in the face of the tired of ten years ago.

2. What 5 things are on your to do list?

  1. Order a ATT booster because our cell service is shite in our house
  2. Workout because I ate not one, but two, batches of cake batter muddy buddies this weekend
  3. Write something for the Argus
  4. Laundry.  Always with the motherfucking laundry.
  5. Pack up the no longer age appropriate toys.  I am a toy hoarder.  You never know when you’re gonna need nesting cups or 352 matchbox cars.

3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

  1. Cake batter muddy buddies.  Seriously.  If you make them you will love and loathe me for life.  Use Wilton candy melts in place of white chocolate.  White chocolate is not chocolate.
  2. Cadbury mini eggs.  This shit is unrivaled.
  3. Russell Stover Red Velvet Eggs.  I require a case.
  4. Brach’s butterscotch disks.  My Weight Watchers standby.  Three disks per point.  It’s old timey.  Like me.
  5. Western Bagel’s Alternative Bagel in Roasted Onion and Eating Right’s garlic yummus hummus.  That’s a one point bagel, y’all.  In mah mouth.

4. Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire

Jesus fuck, all the things.

Buy a house with a yard and have playdates and theme parties every month.

Source: akc.org viaLucid on Pinterest

 

This guy.

Pay off my reedonkulous student loans.

Buy my husband some super phat car and a home monitoring system ala Howard Hughes.

Send a camera crew and a sloth to Kristen Bell’s house.

Bali.  Fucking Bali.

5. Name some places you have lived

  1. Rehab
  2. Psychiatric hospital
  3. Idaho
  4. A kitchen.
  5. The Biggest Loser ranch.

6. Name some bad habits you have

  1. I am a horrible interrupter.  It’s so embarrassing.  I think I talk to actual people so rarely that I’m like a word volcano once I get started.
  2. I eat too much sugar.  Like so much.
  3. Procrastinator extraordinaire.
  4. Toy hoarder

7. Name some jobs you have had 

  1. Telemarketer
  2. Dancer.  For money.
  3. Foster care caseworker in Brooknam
  4. Play therapist
  5. Nanny
 

Aunt Becky’s Annual Memepalooza

28 Dec

Becks over at Mommy Wants Vodka hosts her annual meme about this time every year and I am jumping aboard this crazy train for the second time because I like random surveys given by foxy bitches who like encased meats.  This is what I had to say last year, if’n you care to refresh.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

I made science my bitch.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I’m gonna say yes because I’m too lazy to look at my resolution post from last year and because I’ve been told that I need to believe in myself more.  I will make more.  I will make many.  #onedayimgonna

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My lovely step sister just had her first kid.  Several Bandmates had babies and one of my mommy friends had her second kid.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My favorite aunt died.  There’s a hole there to deep to mention in polite company.  One of my Bandmates, the irrepressible ball of joy Mrs. One Day, died this week.  Although I didn’t know her well, her kindness was legend.  She will be remembered, as will her message of dreaming big and dreaming often.  #onedayimgonna.

5. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Daryl Dixon and the ability to freeze time.

6. What countries did you visit?

Texas.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

Halloween was pretty memorable.  Hulk and Thor do Urgent Care tends to stick to the gray matter.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Showering more days than not.

9. What was your biggest failure?

There were many.  The most recent went undetected to my epic relief.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Depression.  It’s old news, people.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Contigo Water Bottle at the recommendation of Moosh in Indy.  Money well spent.

Gray Brain Cameo

If I only had a brain.  Oh wait, I do.

Womens NEW YORK Love Tri-Blend Pullover - american apparel S M L (5 Color Options)

I’d wear this everyday, but then I’d have to shower more.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Ellen, because she is spreading the kindness movement on a global level.  Also, she’s fucking funny.  And a cover girl.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

There was a lot of unkindness and bullying that made me sad in the heart parts.  There was also the whole election dealio that left me exhausted and deflated.  And, of course, the escalating incidences of violence that decimated me.

I’m trying to keep the light on the good stuff I witnessed.  The kindness, the camaraderie, #26acts, all that Ellen does everyday for people.  The Band, the Bloggess, Moosh in Indy and everyone else who shines lights into the dark corners and lifts up those who are down.  Kindness is catching.  Pass it on.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Christmas lights.  It’s like the Griswold’s up in this bitch.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Comic book movies.  It was kinda a big year for the geeks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

We really are you know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?  I can hardly remember yesterday, how am I supposed to remember last year?  This year has been pretty bad so probs sadder.

ii. thinner or fatter?  Thinner.  Slightly.

iii. richer or poorer? Same, same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Flash mobs.  Also flashing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Second guessing and stressing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it with the kid and the hubberband.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?

Only with Daryl Dixon and Russell Stover Dark Chocolate and Coconut Cream Santas.

23. How many one-night stands?

I’ve had a series of them with the aforementioned Santas.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

The Walking Dead.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don’t hate anyone.  But I harbor strong feelings of anger, disappointment and revulsion for a select few.

26. What was the best book you read?

Let the Great World Spin

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

28. What did you want and get?

A meat thermometer.  Seriously.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Moonrise Kingdom and The Avengers.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 43.  I went to Bio, had a massage and saw Pitch Perfect.  It was cool.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more sun and a little less science.  Also, world peace.  And more Dark Chocolate Santas.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Minimalist.  Read: I can fit into two pairs of pants, both of them yoga.

34. What kept you sane?

I don’t think I am this year.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

 

Source: fanpop.com via Lucid on Pinterest

 

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The election was pretty hairy.  I’m grateful for three more years before the next shitstorm.

37. Who did you miss?

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Well, I technically met Lisa last year online, but met her live and in person this year.  So, Lisa.

 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:

Patience is not a virtue I possess.  Hurry the fuck up, is.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I know what I want but I just don’t know
How to, go about gettin’ it

http://youtu.be/bq76w2e6HoQ

 

Dose of Happy – Caviar Wishes, Zombie Dreams

10 Dec

Over at Band Back Together we’re feeling like we want to junk punch the next person who asks us if we have a case of the Mondays.  So instead of doing the time in the resulting anger management program, we decided to take Monday back.  So we’re linking up our Dose of Happy posts and bringing the awesome back to Mondays.

Sunday night was an empty void without a new Walking Dead epi.  What can I say?  I like zombies.  I liked them before they were blowing up the screen, both big and small, and I will like them when I’m senile and decrepit in my rocking chair (read: next Tuesday) (C U then).  I also like Daryl Dixon.  Because I have a male oriented vagina.  I also, also like flash mobs that combine fads and include zombies.

So I have to find my happy place without TWD.  Thanks be to the sweet lady internet for YouTube and the zombie craze.   This may have been more relevant a few weeks ago, but my terrible timing may have given some enough time to recover the vitriol associated with every single election ever and bring the focus back around to where it should be – the zombie apocalypse, aka the new American Dream.

Also, Daryl Dixon.  You’re welcome, straight ladies vaginas.

 

Every Day I Be Fluffin’

02 Dec

Why aren’t you in bed?

It 4pm and my kid isn’t nocturnal.  Unfortunately.

Did you do laundry today?

I’m saving that for tomorrow.  I am currently in the procrastinate all the things stage.

What kind of computer do you have?

Orange.  Is that a kind?  It’s a PC of some sort.

Are there always other fish in the sea?

Sure.  Also this.

And this guy.

What can you do with your tongue?

Form the words up yours as I flip you the double bird.

Can you say all 50 states in alphabetical order?

I may or may not be able to name all 50 states if given an hour and the internet, but why would I want to?  I do know there are fifty altogether, but really only five that count.

Do you have atleast 2 windows in your bedroom?

We have one window that is covered in various forms of light blocking coverage.  We like the light in our room blinking and coming from technology.

Last time you babysat?

I want nothing to do with other people’s children right now.  But I will hold any sleeping baby for an unlimited amount of time.

Do you plan your outfits out the day before?

Yes.  I have a sleeping disorder that makes me unable to go to bed before 1 am or wake the fuck up in the morning and I have a kid.  Anything that will give me an extra 12 1/2 seconds in Snoozetown USA.

Favorite Pro Sports team?

Sports blow.  I like the Cubs because I always have, because Wrigley Field feels like America to me and because they always lose.  You know, lovable.

What is the last thing you bought?

Meat.  I got takeout BBQ for the boys.

How many peircings do you have?

Multiple ear piercings, but I rarely even fill the first holes.  Not much for the jewelry.

Can you touch your toes?

I’m going to go with maybe.  I haven’t tried lately and I am getting pretty old and wretched.

Where in the world is carmen sandiego?

A better question would be, who in the fuck is Carmen Sandiego?  Her name is kinda badass.

Favorite person to be with?

Yer mom.

Ever been on a blind date?

No.  I did go on a date with a eHarmony dude.  He was nice, but it turns out I was more into the way I wrote to him than the actual him of him.  My letters were amazeballs.  I saved them for a long time because I loved the way I wrote.

Do you believe in God?

Yes.  No.  Maybe.  Repeat.

One place you will NEVER eat at?

McDonald’s.  I would rather eat my own vomit.

Would you date anyone you met online?

See above.  That was my one experience.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either.  It was much more enjoyable in the emailing phase.

Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?

That was the third tattoo I ever got.  It was in the late 90′s in Bozeman, Montana from some guy named Gerald.  It the Chinese character for transformation inside a butterfly.  It’s actually cool with me if it really reads, truckers do it on the road or, try Chun King for your beautiful body.  It means what it means to me.  Transformation is kind of my deal.  And butterflies are a family thing and represent my grandma.  It’s in the middle of my back so I’m basically the originator of the tramp stamp.  Which is hot.  Probably.

Are colored contact lenses sexy?

(AP Photo/Twentieth Century Fox, Nigel Parry)

Sexy is not the word I’d use.  Although I do love me some Lorne.  Now, give me an ill-tempered, bitey vampire and I’ll sing a different song.

Have you ever been white-water rafting?

When I was maybe 19, I went on a raft with my sister, mom and aunt.  It was in South Bend, IN and the waterway was jacked up from some race shit that they do there.  We had no clue what we were doing and the raft flipped almost immediately.  I was screaming for my mom.  I thought I was gonna die.  The closest I’ll ever get to that again is the log ride at Disney.

Have you met a real redneck?

I lived in Texas for half of my life.  Several years of that was spent in College Station.  I don’t think they grow them any other way.

What was the last movie you watched?

Silver Linings Playbook.  It was good.  Funny, sweet.  But I’m not overly fond of the whole mental illness as comedic fodder thing.

What do you usually order from Starbucks?

God, I love coffee.  So I don’t drink it.  Obvi.  Addiction runs deep in this girl.  When I first got sober, I upped the cigs to two packs a day and stopped eating everything but sugar and coffee.  Although not together.  I like my coffee black as sin and iced.  Starbucks is a rare occurrence when the husband wants it.  They have these breakfast sammies that rule though.  And sometimes I’ll have a hot chocolate although I’d rather have it from the Oregon zoo.  That shit is dope.

Have you ever fired a gun?

No.

Do you like Michael Jackson?

I like his music.  I have always been smitten with classic R&B and soul.  The Jackson 5 were not my faves, but I did love them.  And MJ had some good shit too.  Thriller was pretty badass and Bad was not bad too.

MJ the dude?  I feel for him.  He was fucked up early on and it just continued unchecked.  I feel bad for the kids I believe he abused.  I do get the feeling that he really felt like he was a kid so he probs didn’t feel it was wrong.  But enough people accused him and were subsequently shut the fuck up.  You gotta believe the children, yo.

I also feel bad for his kids.  I’ve seen them on Ellen and they are just as awkward as he was.  I hope they grow out if it, but who could be any shade of normal growing up in that kind of life.  I would off myself on the second day of being trailed by the poppers.

Ever call a 1-900 phone number?

Do they still have those?  The internet be free, y’all.  And the filth abounds.  Save your dolla bills for the club.

 

Bird Watching

14 Nov

Hey birdie, birdie!  See that vibrant little guy?  My friend, elisaann, painted that.  And, because she is that awesome, the supafly set director of The Mindy Project snapped it up and slapped it up on the wall of fictional Mindy’s bathroom.  The entire set is covered in rad art, I highly recommend checking it out.

Elisaann had a contest to see who could spot the crimson dude and as the runner up I get a set of her serene landscape postcards!  I have one of them already sitting in my kitchen and it’s like a little window into ahhh.  Now, I was the runner up because someone apparently commented 10 minutes before me, but that was probably because I was doing the Snoopy dance of joy during that time for my friend’s art making it on national television.  But it’s cool, that dance was totally worth it.

(God, I miss Buffy.)

Watch The Mindy Project because Mindy Kaling is a badass, because she supports local artists(Chi-town in the heezy) and because she’s smart enough to know what I’ve known for over a decade – elisaann is a real live artist.  Buy her stuff now while you can still afford it.

 

It’s Friday Somewhere

21 Oct

Depression is a motherfucker.  Let’s do this instead.  (This girl said it better.  Always does.)

Aside from Driver’s Ed, who really taught you how to drive?

My dad.  In the parking lot of Memorial City Mall mostly.  I learned on his Mazda RX7 which was a stick.  Which is probably why I ended up requiring an automatic.  A few years later my friend Brent drove me out to his creepy job in the boonies off I-45, handed me the keys to his manual transmission car and gave me the choice to hang out with pervs all day or learn to love the stick.  45 minutes in Houston traffic.  Needless to say, I flooded that shit every time traffic stood still.  Which, in Houston, is pretty fucking often.

What’s the one thing you love/miss about your Grandma’s cooking?

The only thing food related that I remember about my Gramma Mary is that she liked to drink Coke out of the glass bottles.  For some reason I thought that was cool.  My Grandma Vera made dope ass spaghetti and was the only family member that made Rice-A-Roni, which I loved.  She also always had boxes and boxes of these delicious swirl cookies.  You can still buy them at the Jewel if you live in Chicago.  I know because my super talented and super sweet friend sent me a ton of boxes last year to distribute to my family members who miss my Grandma and those delicious cookies.  Buy her art.  Mindy Kaling did.  Because she’s a genius.  And has style.  And whose real name is actually Vera.  Bam.  Full circle, bitchez.

If you had money to burn, what 3 charities would you donate to?

I get overwhelmed by the idea of trying to choose because there is so much need from so many different directions.  Here are three I’ve recently contributed to.  Child Aid, Band Back Together and OxFam.

What “Late Night Radio” song would you request to your man/woman?

What is Late Night Radio?  Is that even a thing anymore or is this survey from 1981?  Because if it is?

What was the last high school/college project you did?

I am working on a poster project for my A&P lab class.  I’m most likely doing it on how SSRI’s affect serotonin levels in the synapses.

As a kid, who was the first -famous death- you remember hearing about?

The first one that knocked me out was River Phoenix.  I was in my early 20′s and still going full-tilt in the drugs and booze club scene.  I had loved him like any other self-respecting alterna-girl of the 80′s.  He was so incredibly talented and seemed sort of above it regards to Hollywood and the fast life.  He was sort of a granola cruncher and had grown up in an even hippier commune than the one I grew up in.  And then there he was, dead on the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room, not above any of it after all.  There was much mourning among my crowd.  It still makes me sad.  Oh, the humanity.

What kind of music did your parent’s listen to while u were growing up?

My Dad:

My Mom:

Name 2 historic events that have happened in your lifetime:

9/11

Berlin Wall coming down

Who taught you to tie your shoes?

I’m guessing my mom.

Where did you go on your first official date?

I don’t think I had an official date until I was in my 20′s.  Mostly we just hung out as a group and did a shit ton of drugs at the clubs.  It was the early 90′s and he came to the door and picked me up.  My gay roomie/bestie sussed him out and called it good.  He took me to his league bowling and kept the beer flowing in my direction.  I think we went to the club after and when he drove me home he ran out of gas.  I found this hysterical because it was straight out of some ridiculous sitcom.  We walked forevs, which was actually cool because we got to talk.  He was nice.  Wonder where he is now.

When you cruised the strip… who were you usually with?

There was never a strip to cruise because I didn’t grow up in American Graffiti.  But I would have been with my homies.  Which homies would depend on my current geographical location.

Who was like your second Mom or second Dad?

I was brought into the fold of my bestie’s big, crazy family.  It has been a very good and very bad thing at different times.  Now it’s settled into a comfortably, primarily awesome place.

Who is your Strangest Relative and why?

I am probably the strangest.  Which is cool with me.  But trust me, we’re all a bunch of weirdos.

What’s your typical ice cream order at Dairy Queen?

When we’re in Great Falls, my father-in-law always gets me marshmallow sundaes.  Because he’s awesome.

This or That:

Animal House or Caddyshack?

Wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Dorito’s or Frito Lays?

Chili-cheese Fritos.  Because that’s how we do in Texas.

Straight-Man or Comic Relief?

Um, yes?

Survivor Man or Man vs. Wild?

I love Les Stroud.  He is like a curmudgeonly, beleaguered badass.  And he always makes little digs about Bear Grylls’ outlandish choices.  I love that he’s worried enough about our safety that he continues to debunk the survivor skills of Man vs. Wild.

Casablanca or An Affair To Remember?

Casablanca.  But I really love anything with Cary Grant or Katherine Hepburn, preferably both.  The Philadelphia Story ranks at the top of my list.

Princess Grace or Princess Diana?

Um, no?

Books, Movies or TV?

Let’s all bask in teevee’s warm glowing warming glow.  Of course books were my first teevee, but they require more than I have to give in my current state of being.

Marilyn Monroe or Anna Nicole Smith?

I was never much of a Marilyn fan, but she did have a lot of depth and layer to her.  Anna just made me so sad.  I watched her show and she was just a train wreck.  Why is okay to watch that happen to someone on tv?  Reality television is contributing to the end of civilization.

Playboy or Hustler?

How about Playgirl?  One of my best friends used to have a subscription and I thought, how cosmopolitan of you.  Well played.

Disneyland, Disneyworld, or Universal Studios?

Disneyland.  I grew up in Cali and forget that there is another.  Universal Studios terrified me because of the damn shark.  But Disney is a magical place.  I remember all the school  trips we took, eating soggy tuna fish sandwiches on the picnic tables outside the gates and then soaking up every last bit of awesome.  I went back a few years ago and there were differences, but much of it was the same.  It has this amazingly hip 60′s flare to it.  I loved it.  I wanted to go play in the caves on that island, but I’m too big.  There’s no going back.  Except when my kid reached 44″ and we take that mutha by storm.

Halloween or Christmas?

I love the entire holiday season.  Especially now that I have a kid.  Halloween is going to rule.  Avengers assemble!

Leading or Following?

Lying horizontal on the couch.

Planes or Trains?

Planes.  I love flying.  Scratch that, I loved flying pre-kid.  To have several uninterrupted hours to read or listen or watch or sleep.  Those were the days.

Yesterday or Tomorrow?

Tomorrow.  It’s got to be better, right?  I was promised the sun would come out.

 

Top Ten{Tuesday} Reasons For This Season: 2012

02 Oct

Ah, the new fall lineup.  Ah, the anticipation of the yet undiscovered gems loaded up on the DVR.  Ah, teevees warm glowing, warming glow.  I love every minute of it, even those that seem to drag on forever(I’m looking at you #3).  And I love to get to share it all with you lovely folk again this year.  Check out last year’s list to see my predictive skills and let’s see how I do this year.

10.  Elementary – This version of Sherlock Holmes was like a person with Asperger’s merged with a unhinged homeless person with ultra-keen powers of observation.  Which is to say, I couldn’t find a way in to the character to come to care about him.  And Watson, played by the luminous Lucy Liu, was uncertain and as lacking in zip or zest as a deflated balloon.  Add to all this, a formulaic procedural and you have a great big NO on the Lotus scale.

9.  Revolution – Now, I was pretty damned excited for this one as it’s been touted all over the teevee as the second coming of Lost.  I have a deep and abiding love for the works of J.J. Abrams starting way back in the late 90′s with Felicity and stretching on up through my beloved Lost.  And I was led to believe that Revolution had his fingerprints all over it.  Turns out his company is producing it, but he’s not one of the writers.  Cue the issues with lack of tension, an abundance of schmaltz and a lead character that makes me want to punch her in the you know.  And Giancarlo Esposito, not-Locke,  who was super fantastico scary balls out on Breaking Bad just kind of falls flat with the one note he’s given with this role.

The show does have some good things going for it - apocalyptic world shit always speaks to a geek gal like myself, the sword fighting old west action stuff is rad and it features several different oh yeah, that guys.  Tim Guinee, Zak Orth and Billy Burke have all been in so many projects there are bound to the elicit and oh yeah, that guy on sight.  In my opinion, the biggest thing the show has going for it is Billy Burke.  He’s like the rakishly handsome, susceptible to emotional manipulation of wide-eyed young females, irascible not-Sawyer badass of the post-apocalypse.

I have a strong aversion to the sentimentality of the not-Kate character.  Kate Austen was always mucking things up because she felt that she was invaluable to every single mission or task, even those she didn’t have the skill or strength to manage well.  As annoying as that was, Kate could also kick some serious ass when it came down to brass tacks and she wasn’t going to shy away from putting a bullet in the face of an Other.  Not-Kate is very concerned with morals and ethics in a lawless land, even when her life, and the lives of the others around her, are put in danger because of that.  Uncle not-Sawyer badass told her something to the effect of her being refreshing because of this.  I say sure, if refreshing means a total downer drag who will certainly get them all in trouble on a consistent basis, if not dead.  But I guess without all of her fuck-ups the show would end in about six shows, so…

Not sure how to predict this one, but I predict it will be off my DVR within the month.

8.  Go On – Go On is wholly likable.  The madcap ensemble is is appropriately madcap, the workplace gang is smart and funny in that deprecating, razz on your buddies kind of way, the emotional piece of the loss group never gets too heavy-handed or cloying.  But the real reason to watch this show is Matthew Perry who is affable and likable and just funny.  I’ll watch any show he’s in, but I have a feeling it won’t be this one for too much longer.

7.  The New Normal – This is another charming, likable show.  All the characters are like adorable, bubbly cartoons.  The pretty ingenue just trying to make a way in this bad, old world for herself and her adorably oddball daughter.  The cuter than pie gay couple baking a baby in the body of the ingenue while taking her and the oddball daughter in like family.  Even the racist, Republican grandma feels like the shiny, not-Sue.  Soapboxes are stood upon, hearts are touched, lessons are learned.  Heart-warming?  Yes.  Ground-breaking?  No.

I’ll watch it when I have time.  I think it’s a nice, sweet show and I hope it sticks around.  The fact that One Million Moms protested it makes me hope that even harder.

6.  Animal Practice – Nothing about this show worked for me.  I didn’t feel the chemistry and the main character was so different from the Andy that I knew and loved on Weeds.  Which is the way it should be as it’s a different character.  Maybe it’s just too soon.  Weeds just ended and the character of Andy was so layered and complex that putting Justin Kirk into such a typical zany sitcom setting just feels hollow.

My prediction is cancellation, but I further predict that both Justin Kirk and the amazeballs Tyler Labine will be back, hopefully in something that lives up their talent.

5.  Last Resort – Despite the level of the talent on this show (high) anything related to active military life doesn’t do much for me in the way of interest (low).  I love Scott Speedman (Felicity) and Andre Braugher (everything) and even not-Mulder Robert Patrick (X-Files).  Throw in a little Autumn Reeser (The OC) and Dichen Lachman (Dollhouse) and I want to love it, but I just…don’t.

Knowing ABC’s history of shit-canning well-loved shows far better than this I’d say cancellation is in its future.  I will definitely be spending my screen time elsewhere.

4.  Katie – Keep in mind that I have only watched one entire episode of this show and that was because my girl, Jenny from the blog, was on an episode.  Along with the before unknown to me and me alone (must have been all that time I spent under that rock) wondrous Brene Brown.  But I really enjoyed the direct, no-nonsense pleasantness of the pocket sized host.

I don’t really do talk shows.  Except Ellen because she transcends, well, everything.  I have loved her since Open House and that love ain’t stopping anytime soon.  I watched Oprah more than I would have liked because my bestie has a lady crush on her.  Don’t get me wrong, I loves Oprah.  And her show was top of the heap as far as talk shows go, but that’s where we come full circle to I don’t really do talk shows.

Katie is knowledgeable and relatable, interested and interesting.  I think she could fill that slot left empty by the queen herself and lend a smart, open dialogue to daytime teevee once again.  I predict she’ll go strong.

3.  Partners – This is a old school sitcom (re: canned laughter, badabumdum jokes, over the top acting) which is kinda CBS’ thang.  It’s kinda not my thang.  But I heart Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill, have you been paying attention?) like whoa.  And cutie boy David Krumholtz (Numbers) ain’t half bad either.  While I enjoyed the relationship between cutie boy and his gay bestie, I can’t subject myself to the same old, same old.  Sophia Bush deserves better.  Cancelled.

2.  The Mindy Project – Another girl I love like whoa.  Girl can write and girl be funny.  She even has a blog.  She is also damn sexy all mussed hair and mascara down to there in the first epi.  I liked the flow, the silliness, the candor of the self-oriented main character.  I like the other characters and the tension between Mindy and Dr. Cocky.  And she has some killer art hanging on her walls.  One of those pieces was done by my friend,elisaann.  If you’re the first to spot it on the show, you can win this dope ass water bottle.

Prediction: this show is going all the way, baby.

1.  Ben & Kate – I didn’t even watch the premiere of this show because it looked so, well, dumb in the previews.  How glad am I that I got a wild hair and watched it On Demand?  Pretty damn glad as it shares the top spot for my favorite new show of the season with Mindy.  It’s weird and wacky and touching in a non-gaggy sort of way.  It reminds me of The New Normal without HD and Cinderella-style wildlife.

I hope it will stick around.  That hope seems plausible as Fox has stuck with Raising Hope, which has a similar vibe and a moderate following.  But you never really know, right?

Disclaimer:  these are the ten new shows I have seen so far this season.  Some of the new shows that I’m most eagerly anticipating haven’t yet premiered.  The three that I am super psyched about are: Arrow, Nashville and Emily Owens, M.D..  You can rest comfortably knowing that I will have an opinion about each and I will be sharing it. Consider yourself forewarned.

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