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My lovely friend, From Tracie, did this old style bloggy thang a week or so ago. I meant to do it, like every other thing on my list, but got bogged down by the man(Ole Dirty D, that wily fuck). Then another lovely, Tia, did it and I was like, oh snap, best be hopping on that train before it leaves the station. All aboard, y’all.
1. What were you doing 10 Years Ago?
Ten years ago I was living in Brooklyn, NY, working as an adoption caseworker in the foster care system and going to school at NYU for my MSW. I was also doing a lot of crying, moaning and wailing about how fucking tired I was and how much I had to do. Now I’m a mom. I laugh in the face of the tired of ten years ago.
2. What 5 things are on your to do list?
Order a ATT booster because our cell service is shite in our house
Pack up the no longer age appropriate toys. I am a toy hoarder. You never know when you’re gonna need nesting cups or 352 matchbox cars.
3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
Cake batter muddy buddies. Seriously. If you make them you will love and loathe me for life. Use Wilton candy melts in place of white chocolate. White chocolate is not chocolate.
Today’s Dance Interlude is brought to you courtesy of Dawnie‘s Trifecta entry. Holding it down, keeping it real ’92 stylo. Because I couldn’t narrow down the awesome and because I’m one half of the Game of Thirds, you get three for the price of one. Get up and get down, y’all.
Robin, at Farewell Stranger, is awesome for many reasons. One of those reasons is her awesome idea of memorializing the years with pictures. I memorialized 2011 here. You can link up here through January 4th. Peace out, 2012. You kinda sucked a big fat one. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
The super kid turned three. It’s kinda a big deal. I hosted a bash for tiny superheroes complete with identifying capes and sparkly black masks. Somehow I made it to 500 posts. A feat that will not be replicated in a similar timeline due to the whole crushing-and-debilitating-depression-sucking-my-soul-and-will-to-lift-my-ass-off-the-couch thang. We tiptoed, mourned the loss of my Tree Hill family, played with actual real, live snow. I started medical billing and coding school. It was not an experience acquainted with awesome. Oh, and I became an editor at Trifecta, a weekly writing challenge. It was kind of a slow month.
August was busy as fuck. I drank some badass strawberry basil lemonade with some Bandies right before meeting the Bloggess live and in person. Both she and her majestic boobs are as awesome as they seem.
I turned *cough, cough* some year. Okay, forty-three. Which made me remember all those creepers who hung out with me when I was twenty saying they didn’t FEEL forty. But you ARE, Blanche. I AM. And I’m actually petty cool with it. Except for the old lady vision issue. I’m expecting my super powered vision to kick in any day now.
My friend has mad talent and the world now knows it. The election came and went, lowering the national blood pressure rate by half. My tot trotted. I may have too. Despite the strong impulse to run screaming, hide under the covers and hurl rocks I was videotaped and put on the internets. I may never truly recover.
Then the world got colder and meaner and more desolate. The world responded, as it often does in times of epic tragedy, by hearts everywhere growing three sizes. Kindness is in the world, you just have to keep your eyes open and watch for it.
Remember the Friday Fluff craze that swept the nation? Lisa from Empty the Well started it, if I rightly recall. I was feeling the need for a fluffier life and thought this might just be exactly what the doctor ordered. Except I couldn’t get it together to look for a quiz, so I went and stole Lisa’s. Which goes to show you that crime really does pay.
This week’s survey was created by some nameless, faceless weirdo. A moment of silence for the unspoken homie.
Amazon got a fair chunk of our money this holiday season.
Have to wake up before 6am?
A couple of times. And I was pissed. I am very spoiled in the sleep department with the kid I ended up with.
Make a huge meal for a bunch of people?
No. But I did make a few meals for a few people. Including my first prime rib on Christmas. Too bad meat sickens me. The boys enjoyed it though. And I enjoyed using my new oven timer. #kitchennerd
Spend a whole weekend drinking?
I was just recalling those old days. When I used to shop in preparation for the unholy hangover to come. A gallon of milk, a loaf of fresh French bread with butter and a box of Kraft Ranch pasta salad. I don’t miss that shit for a second. Except the bread. Mmm, gluten.
Spend a whole weekend inside?
A few, but far less than when I was a footloose, carefree single lady. Kids get in the way of all the good stuff.
Get less then an hour of sleep then had plans all day?
Fuck that shit. I’m fortyfuckingthree. People have died for less than that. I have, however, flown with a toddler on less than 5. It wasn’t pretty. Said the guy in the aisle seat recoiling in horror from my head jerking, spit drooling micro naps.
Ditch a friend for a crush/boyfriend/girlfriend?
That only happens in the honeymoon phase. We have close to six years, a mortgage and a toddler under our belts. We ditch each other on the regular.
Lied to your parents about your location?
I don’t think I ever did that. I was more like, I went out and did drugs last night and I’m sorry. The sweet release of confession.
Fall for someone at your work?
It’s just me here. So mos def not.
Trip and hurt yourself?
I think it was this year that I fell down two stairs and fucked my foot right up. There was some tendon tearing involved. Hurt like a mother.
Discover a new favorite band/singer?
Not really. But I do like this.
This is also pretty badass.
Roast a marshmallow?
We did camp out once. Marshmallows were roasted. But many, many, many more were consumed in the form of microwave s’mores. So melty.
Get called a bitch?
Yes.
Get called a slut?
Not that I’m aware of, Sarah. Omg, I forgot I ever even used to say that. Memories are some weird shit.
Get called beautiful?
Yes, by my kid. It was pretty awesome. I love that guy. #kidswoon
Drove for more then eight hours in one trip?
Nope. Six though. With a toddler. Who is balls out awesome as a road trip partner. #kidswoon
Have someone tell you they want to be with you forever?
My kid is the winner of this survey. He says he wants to live with me forever. I told him that when he grows up he can choose to sleep in the bed with someone if he wants and he says he will choose to sleep with Mommy and Daddy. I say Mommy and Daddy don’t have enough in savings to afford the kind of therapy that will require.
Have someone say that^ and believe it?
I believe it. For now. I’m sure that tune will change sometime in his late teens and he won’t be able to get out of the house fast enough. I’ll keep him as long as he’ll stay. Note to self: get a fully furnished basement in the next fifteen years.
Have someone say that^ and NOT believe it?
Not this year.
See over 100 movies? (Theatre or not)
Holy fuck. I love movies and that’s a fuck ton of movies. I’m going with no. But I have no idea how many I actually did see. I do know I watched a lot more teevee than movies. I prefer the intimacy of the ongoing relationship.
Get a midnight snack?
I tried to put midnight snack in the Urban Dictionary (and I strongly caution against it) and came up with this instead.
The time at which one’s ballsac believes it to be midnight. Due to it’s geographic location. Approximately 11 minutes after actual midnight. The very beginning of twilight.
example: “Sorry I didn’t come over last night, Tom. My fucktard of a boss had me working ’till ballsac midnight.”
Have an amazing date?
Marriage and dates go together like innocent bystanders and napalm.
Cut someone else’s hair?
I did that once and only once. Train wreck. Dude looked like a monk. An angry, vengeful, blood-soaked monk.
Smoke weed?
Dudes, I know y’all all just wanna get high with your bad selves. I am all for it. For you. But I motherfucking hate weed. Weed makes me stabby. The first time I smoked it was in the psych hospital at age 15. I also happened to be taking Lithium. Against my will. Lithium + weed = temporary psychosis. Which is not as much fun as it sounds. Kids, don’t do drugs, m’kay?
Smoke enough weed to actually get high?
See above. And don’t do drugs. If you’re already on other drugs.
Eat sushi?
I wish I were that cool. Vom.
Get really bitchy with a cashier at a store?
No. I am appalled by that sort of behavior.
Camwhore?
I post pictures of myself sporadically. It must be to get attention because why else would I? But mostly I put pictures of my kid because holy fuck, that fucker is cute. I am a total kid camwhore. See how cute my kid is? Marvel in his glory.
Take someone else’s pants off?
Every day.
Have someone else take your underwear off?
Awkward. And no. See question regarding the honeymoon phase.
Go to someone’s funural who you didn’t know?
No.
^For the free food?
They have food at funerals? That just seems unsanitary.
Get drunk off beer alone?
I haven’t been drunk in a long time, alone or otherwise. Beer is not my first choice because it takes a lot more volume than shots of cheap vodka. But beer has come a long way since I started drinking. I could go for a Ruby right about now. Also, some cajunized tots.
Wear heels?
Never. They hurt and I’m tall enough. They do make the rear look slammin though. I prefer comfort over a slammin rear.
Stalk someone on facebook?
I loathe Facebook like it’s a Romney.
Curl your hair?
I used to wear those pink foam curlers in my hair overnight when I was young. That was not a good night’s sleep. And not really a great look. I have a gf who uses hot rollers and her hair looks glorious. I’m lucky if I wash mine more than twice a week.
Wear red lipstick?
I’m not much for the makeup. And definitely not for the lipstick. Lipstick is gross. It gets gummed up in the corners and crevices, bleeds into tiny lines and on the teeth, it dries out the lips. But it looks lovely on you. Obvi. As I said earlier, I’m more about the comfort. But I should do more of the makeup in 2013. Bring sexy back and all.
Straighten/curl a guy’s hair?
What? My husband has no hair. My son has the hair of the gods. There’s no need for any of that nonsense in this house. Thank fuck.
Go dress shopping?
Another goal for 2013.
Over eat and throw up?
I kicked bulimia many moons again. I did have the urge this year, but did not commit the act.
Throw up in public?
Sadly, yes. At school, in Anatomy and Physiology. Stomach flu. Embarrassing.
Stick your head out a window to throw up?
I have totally done this, but it’s been 20 years. I remember driving a car streaked with dried on vomit until nature eliminated it for me. the 20′s are for suckers.
Go to a restaurant with a big group of people?
I went out to eat with my family in Texas this summer. There were nine of us. But everything is bigger in Texas so it was more like 52.
Go to the person you like when you were sick and had them take care of you?
This is awesome. I have never had someone take care of me when I was sick. Well, my mom probably did when I was a kid, but not since then. Sounds nice.
Makeout in a car?
I just had a request for this yesterday. Unfortunately the requester lives on a different continent and doesn’t own a car.
Wear a bow in your hair?
You best believe I wore a bow through much of the early 80′s. Looked exactly like this. Hush now child, I said exactly.
Becks over at Mommy Wants Vodka hosts her annual meme about this time every year and I am jumping aboard this crazy train for the second time because I like random surveys given by foxy bitches who like encased meats. This is what I had to say last year, if’n you care to refresh.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I made science my bitch.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’m gonna say yes because I’m too lazy to look at my resolution post from last year and because I’ve been told that I need to believe in myself more. I will make more. I will make many. #onedayimgonna
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My lovely step sister just had her first kid. Several Bandmates had babies and one of my mommy friends had her second kid.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My favorite aunt died. There’s a hole there to deep to mention in polite company. One of my Bandmates, the irrepressible ball of joy Mrs. One Day, died this week. Although I didn’t know her well, her kindness was legend. She will be remembered, as will her message of dreaming big and dreaming often. #onedayimgonna.
5. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Daryl Dixon and the ability to freeze time.
6. What countries did you visit?
Texas.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:
Halloween was pretty memorable. Hulk and Thor do Urgent Care tends to stick to the gray matter.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Showering more days than not.
9. What was your biggest failure?
There were many. The most recent went undetected to my epic relief.
I’d wear this everyday, but then I’d have to shower more.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ellen, because she is spreading the kindness movement on a global level. Also, she’s fucking funny. And a cover girl.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There was a lot of unkindness and bullying that made me sad in the heart parts. There was also the whole election dealio that left me exhausted and deflated. And, of course, the escalating incidences of violence that decimated me.
I’m trying to keep the light on the good stuff I witnessed. The kindness, the camaraderie, #26acts, all that Ellen does everyday for people. The Band, the Bloggess, Moosh in Indy and everyone else who shines lights into the dark corners and lifts up those who are down. Kindness is catching. Pass it on.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Christmas lights. It’s like the Griswold’s up in this bitch.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Comic book movies. It was kinda a big year for the geeks.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
We really are you know.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I can hardly remember yesterday, how am I supposed to remember last year? This year has been pretty bad so probs sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner. Slightly.
iii. richer or poorer? Same, same.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Flash mobs. Also flashing.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Second guessing and stressing.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the kid and the hubberband.
22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Only with Daryl Dixon and Russell Stover Dark Chocolate and Coconut Cream Santas.
23. How many one-night stands?
I’ve had a series of them with the aforementioned Santas.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Walking Dead.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t hate anyone. But I harbor strong feelings of anger, disappointment and revulsion for a select few.
I haven’t done this is a long time. Not because there hasn’t been star worthy stuff. Of course there has. There is always an infinite amount of cool and wonderful things and people in the world and on the internet. Which is why we’re all so crazy for Pinterest.
I haven’t been participating much in the internet-y stuff of days gone by. In fact, I haven’t been participating in much these days. Except for my nemesis, science. That wily fuck. What I have been knee deep and balls to the walls in is El Depresión, that cagey bastard. He and science have joined forces to take me down.
There’s little things that keep the muck from consuming me completely like a symbiotic Venom-like creature. Things like unexpected cards from badasses of internet fame and friendship, like Daryl Dixon taking us to the gun show while ganking Walkers with his badass crossbow and surly-redneck-with-the-heart-of-gold thang. Like a tree covered in mismatched memories or a friend I’ve never met getting some well deserved recognition.
But the big things have been evident this week and I want to say a hallefuckinglujah and respek to all of that. The internet can harbor some pockets of bile and provide a safe space for mean girls and bullies, but it can also be so kind and remind us of who we really want to be. And it can take us on a wild and wacky ride through communal magic. That shit should be participated in to the fullest and celebrated on the regular. Which is what I want to do with these precious links I lay at your feet. Welcome to the wonderful.
Over at Band Back Together we’re feeling like we want to junk punch the next person who asks us if we have a case of the Mondays. So instead of doing the time in the resulting anger management program, we decided to take Monday back. So we’re linking up our Dose of Happy posts and bringing the awesome back to Mondays.
The Bloggess and James Garfield (obvi) are going for the trifecta of Christmas miracles in order to get the pig (James Garfield, obvs) qualified for sainthood. Also to make people smile and feel loved even when in the middle of a horrendous catastrophe. I’ve been lucky enough to be in on this experience from the beginning, but I want to share the warm fuzzy high that comes with joining together to make the world brighter with everyone.
Project Night Night is an awesome program that distributes a night night bag with book, blanket and stuffed animal to homeless kids all over the US. Imagine how scary it feels to be a kid without a home, without any possessions to call your own. It costs only $20 for one complete package or you can put them together yourself (see guidelines here). This year, the Bloggess is trying to reach a goal of 1,000 packages for kids affected by Superstorm Sandy. She kicked off the awesome with a donation of 25 packages. I’m donating one this year because my pockets be smaller right now, but my mom’s group has a plan to work on a larger local donation after the holidays.
I know what the economy is like firsthand, y’all. I totally get not being in a position to give right now. But if you can’t give, can you spread the word? Tweet that shit, Pin it, FB it, Stumble Upon it, Reddit it. Every little bit helps. It all matters. Come on y’all, let’s all get high together.
Hey birdie, birdie! See that vibrant little guy? My friend, elisaann, painted that. And, because she is that awesome, the supafly set director of The Mindy Project snapped it up and slapped it up on the wall of fictional Mindy’s bathroom. The entire set is covered in rad art, I highly recommend checking it out.
Elisaann had a contest to see who could spot the crimson dude and as the runner up I get a set of her serene landscape postcards! I have one of them already sitting in my kitchen and it’s like a little window into ahhh. Now, I was the runner up because someone apparently commented 10 minutes before me, but that was probably because I was doing the Snoopy dance of joy during that time for my friend’s art making it on national television. But it’s cool, that dance was totally worth it.
(God, I miss Buffy.)
Watch The Mindy Project because Mindy Kaling is a badass, because she supports local artists(Chi-town in the heezy) and because she’s smart enough to know what I’ve known for over a decade – elisaann is a real live artist. Buy her stuff now while you can still afford it.
Lisa tagged me in some challenge to answer ten questions about my novel. For those of you playing along at home, I’m not writing a novel. Because I believe that leaving a game of tag before tagging someone else is bad form, and because I’d rather be answering questions about the novel I’m not writing than actually writing, survey says, ding ding ding, I’m answering.
What is the working title of your book?
The working title of the book I am not writing is Shine. There is almost no chance of it turning into a book. But it could be several to many pages of lovely description of an alternate universe.
I’m also writing something else, mostly autobiographical. Because who isn’t interested in the life and stylings of a middle aged hausfrau with depression. With music, television and pop culture references thrown in as background chatter.
Where did the idea for your book come from?
The idea came from being a sad panda living in a land where the sun don’t shine much six months out of the year.
Same, same.
What genre does your book fall under?
Science fiction.
Autobiography.
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Catherine Keener. I only have one character so far. Because it’s not a book.
Mary Louise Parker. Jake Gyllenhaal. The kid from the Shining. Other peeps. Andy Rooney. Wait, he’s not an actor. Also, dead. Mickey Rooney. Um, dead. Rooney Mara. Why the fuck not?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
Oh, they’ll be clubbing each other to death over this one.
Ditto.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your novel?
Right now I have exactly 1308 words. That’s like what? 5 pages? Took me two days.
This one has 521 words. Two pages. One day.
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Did you ever see that Wim Wenders movie, Until the End of the World. No? I think it was only seen by me and my dear, sweet artist friend Vince. But that’s the kind of world I envision when I think about Shine.
Nick Cave. Swoon.
Girl, Interrupted meets Running With Scissors. But less funny. And with more drugs. Also, a cult.
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Depression inspired me. And trying to escape the gray and rainys by traveling to Texas only to have them follow me there.
People say I’ve lived an interesting life. I think of this book as the assessment information my next therapist will require.
What else about your book might pique the readers interest?
Burger and fries to the first five hundred people to give an accurate total of handjob references.
Now it’s my turn to tag. I’m tagging two Trifectans, one long standing member and one n00b, because I think they’re both balls out awesome and I can’t wait to read any book they write. Linda Vernon and Draug, you be tagged.
{Mel, over at Adventuroo, is awesome. Maybe you know her from the weekly Capture the Everyday, or maybe you should. Either way, she’s awesome. And she’s taken the Capture the Everyday idea of Memorex-ing the simple moments of just…life in between all the posed shots in front of [insert landmark, cartoon character or piece of nature] to the next level and challenged us to capture an entire week, day by day. A Week in My Life.}
Pictars, I haz some. Words, I had some, but then I realized it’s oh my fuck in the AM and I’d better get my fine ass to bed tout de suite if’n I plan to make through the Day O’ Science tomorrow. This week was hard, but I’m glad I did it. And I’ll do it again next year, if Mel throws it out there and if I still stand in Blogland. Reflections to come, probably, at some point. Oh, and if you’re nasty, check out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,Saturday and Sunday of a Week in My Life 2011.
Shirtless pumpkin painting. Is there any other way?
